Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
