Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Randomize
