i need an iv and a liver transplant
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
