i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
