As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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