Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
