U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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