The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
