Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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