I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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