no, he came in my armpit
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
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