Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
