Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
