I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
