just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
