I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Randomize
