I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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