whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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