i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
