Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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