we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
