apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
