she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
You are a genius and a whore.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
