I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
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