you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
