He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
