tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
