All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
