I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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