dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
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