Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
