I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
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