Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
