Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
