if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
is wine microwaveable?
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
