I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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