I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
