Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
