do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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