She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Randomize
