I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Randomize
