I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
