Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
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