Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
