he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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