I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
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