is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
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