Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
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