okay pat passed out under dana's car
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
