Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize