am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
