My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
