"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
