yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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