There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
i think i have two assholes
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Randomize
