I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
