I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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