So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
