I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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