Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Randomize
