did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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