I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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