she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
