she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
