I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
