Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
