a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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