I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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