I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Maybe he injected his testicle?
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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