My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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