Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Alive.
So much puke
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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