Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
