I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Randomize
